whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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