I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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