I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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