Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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