need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
