Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
