I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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