Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
