I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
