I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
