I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
