I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
my poor anus
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
