He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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