Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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