how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
