GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
