I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
