im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
