Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
