I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
