I am spending my child support on dildos
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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