ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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