I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
