TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We talked him into tasing himself.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
