woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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