I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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