I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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