Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
