do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Randomize
