I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
