Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
