Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Still dying that you shit outside
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
