remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
that may or may not have been my penis.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
