omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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