Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
