Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
