I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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