Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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