I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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