Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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