just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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