toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
