My hand turned me down
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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