Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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