Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
