Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
