I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
