Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
