well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
