So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
