An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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